I asked AI to word ‘You are all you got’ sarcastically and it responded with “Oh, sure, because you are all you got. ”

I don’t know if it’s a good thing or bad, but I have recently had this realisation that the toughest moments of one’s life need to be dealt with by them alone.

The night before I was to give birth, I realised everyone could sleep peacefully but me. They were to cut me into many-many layers and while (ALMOST) every woman under the sun goes through it and survives, mine was the first time. What if I couldn’t make it? It was my life. My whole being. I had all sorts of questions. Is it worth going through the pain? Is there any other way? Will I come out of it alive? Will it matter to anyone if I am not here? Once you cook that bun in your oven you can’t back out right, you have to march forward and deal with whatever is thrown your way.

We don’t think too much about it, believing that it’s a natural process and every woman goes through it like it was just periods jo aane hee aane hai. But no, it’s a goddamn choice. We really need to be taught inside outs of getting pregnant, delivering a child, postpartum and motherhood. Will a course/ diploma help? Can someone try doing it? Revolutionary ho sakta hai.

Anyways, you walk in the OT alone during childbirth without any of your family members (like in my case), lying on that cold table, trying to breathe normally, but the beeps and machines and green clad folks are enough to raise your heartbeat to a point where your Anaesthesia guy tells you to mellow your self down or they will have to fully sedate you. You shiver, and cry and try to figure it all out. ALONE. You walk inside on your own feet but come out on a stretcher not feeling half your body. The pain, recovery, breastfeeding, and other massive challenges will be a chapter for another day.

Your breastfeeding journey is yours alone. Your recovery is your responsibility. What you eat, how you feel, how much rest you take, is all up to YOU. Like its not really in your hands but here I am telling you it has to be you. You are all you got. Its not easy, when you can’t make sense of half the things, but its time we develop tools to navigate through this difficult phase. Schools and colleges teach academics, who teaches life?

Women do not deserve to lose themselves in the trenches of postpartum and need better tools to make an informed decision, navigate challenges and most importantly remain the centre of their own life. I am 3.5 years into delivering my first child and I believe there is still trauma underlying the most special feeling that was holding my daughter in my arms. I have nothing but gratitude for that moment, but that does not prevent me from calling out the flaws in our system.

Another big moment in a typical Indian woman’s life is leaving her home and walking into a completely new house between all new people. I believe that is also one moment where that woman is all alone. Her comfort zone, her pampered life, her house of 20-30 years, her parents and siblings are all left behind and she marches into this new environment which can either help her bloom or wither like no one’s business. No body really talks about it, but it is almost everyone’s reality. We need to be better equipped to handle such life changing scenarios rather than rely on ages old conditioning – shaadi toh sabko karni padti hai, every girl must leave her home, rather encourage couples to start on an equal footing.

I have had men in my life say that if it were to them- to leave their parents’ home or let their bodies undergo what women undergo during childbirth, they would NEVER do that. This not only hurts but hits the nail in the coffin. And here we are, romanticizing STRONG WOMEN, torchbearers of breaking generational traumas, the messiah of reproduction.

I am not saying one must not marry or have children, all I am saying is – it does not have to be so dramatic and uninformed. It does not have to pull women down and cause them to lose their identities. Rather one must understand the real reason behind why they would like to marry and/or have children other than ‘sab karte hain’. Because my dear woman, you are ALL you got.