Do you have a favorite movie that made a big impact on you?

“It would be inappropriate, undignified, at 38, to conduct friendships or love affairs with the ardour or intensity of a 22 year old. Falling in love like that? Writing poetry? Crying at pop songs? Dragging people into photobooths? Taking a whole day to make a compilation tape? Asking people if they wanted to share your bed, just for company? If you quoted Bob Dylan or TS Eliot or, god forbid, Brecht at someone these days they would smile politely and step quietly backwards, and who would blame them? Ridiculous, at 38, to expect a song or book or film to change your life.”
― David Nicholls, One Day

I recently watched this series on Netflix called ONE DAY, unaware that it was based on a book, a para from which I have quoted above. This movie struck a chord with me in ways more than one. So here is my little review of the series, how it relates to me in so many ways and how ridiculously I believe and agree that even at 38, a song or a book or a movie can change one’s life. It may bring hope to someone who is just about to give up.

Going a little in reverse, in mid 2023, I watched Julia Roberts’ EAT PRAY LOVE for the first time. And man, was it something that came to me just in the right place at the very right time?

When motherhood, postpartum and body image issues were consuming me into their realm slowly, this movie came to my rescue. Suggested by my therapist ofcourse, let me share what stayed with me the most:

“Let me ask you something, in all the years that you have…undressed in front of a gentleman has he ever asked you to leave? Has he ever walked out and left? No? It’s because he doesn’t care! He’s in a room with a naked girl, he just won the lottery. I am so tired of saying no, waking up in the morning and recalling every single thing I ate the day before, counting every calorie I consumed so I know just how much self loathing to take into the shower. I’m going for it. I have no interest in being obese, I’m just through with the guilt. So this is what I’m going to do, I’m going to finish this pizza, and then we are going to go watch the soccer game, and tomorrow we are going to go on a little date and buy ourselves some bigger jeans.”

I never viewed it like this, but clothes are not meant for you to fit in them but for them to fit you WOMAN. EAT that PIZZA. JUST LIVE YOUR DAMN LIFE, these were a few quotes that the movie screamed to me, and I suddenly was in a better place, as there was a shift in my perspective. The body that gave birth to my daughter, that went through so much pain and complications needs to be celebrated not mourned. Life saver for sure.

And then this series, One Day comes, which I loved every bit of, but it’s the last scene, that just stayed with me. Or maybe it’s just something I wanted to hear. With all my trauma processing, motherhood challenges, working mom guilt, weight issues, grief of losing some loved ones, I haven’t really made any progress with my physical mobility, and I feel really stuck.

WOW! man I am oversharing, but I want to because I have always felt bad for people not speaking up and making everyone strengthen their beliefs that it’s all hunky dory.

Coming back to One Day, in the last scene Dex imagines (imagines because his lover Emma is dead and every year on her death anniversary, he is a mess) Emma sitting right next to him telling him that all his GUILT (read inability to process grief) will go on like that UNTIL IT DOESN’T. CAUSE ONE DAY IT WON’T.

Why it so stayed with me is because it gave me the control of my life back. It is really up to me to break the cycle. For example, the working mom guilt may continue to consume me, and I keep thinking I am not good enough or I tell myself that there is no such thing as a guilty parent and I am making myself one. I give myself the permission to take that trip with my girlfriends, or enjoy that secret date with my husband, or just take a little longer shower, without feeling guilty because at the end of the day, I can’t pour from an empty cup. My child does not need a perfect mom, she needs a happy mom. Don’t mistake me for someone who has figured it all out. I am learning. Some days are just better than others.

So, how I see Dex process his grief after that scene or let’s just say start living life without Emma is by simply visiting with his daughter, the places where he spent the most cherished times with Emma and do things that she loved doing. It just made him want to become a better person, a better father. And it feels so personal to me because when in early 2023 I lost my Nanaji who I was the closest to as a child and while growing up, I tried to process my grief in a similar way. I would write a few lines in his honour and really, I came to a better space mentally by visiting the places that he would take me to as a child, with my daughter, and that right there I got the release I needed.